“Break generational curses!” they scream. If they were carrying lit torches it would look much like a witch hunt. Oh, how Alpha and Omega of us. Godlike, no? To think we know best? Also known as narcissistic. As in, having an excessive view of oneself in the parenting department.
Sure. Please give the job of parenting your best shot. It’s great to see people actively parenting the children they choose to have. But, don’t be so naive to think that just because you do the exact opposite of what your parents did, that you can’t or won’t go on to make your own cycles. I can guarantee you, you did, or will. I was naive enough once too, to believe that all it would take to create a great human being and have a good relationship with my child into adulthood was to parent correctly. Hahaha! Even thinking there is a correct way to parent now makes me laugh.
Food for thought: all the parenting advice you’re reading and doing now, will be wrong when your kids have kids. Two decades after you thought you had all the answers, they may see you as toxic or as something to break. That’s what people who are shouting to break generational curses are doing and saying. That they somehow think their way of parenting will help them rise above any problems later on.
Dream on Alice.
Of course, we want people to do their best when they decide to have children, but our best doesn’t always matter in the end. And it’s not a guarantee that you will always have a relationship with your child once they are an adult.
If you have small children and are screaming about breaking generational curses, please know that your children aren’t even close to being fully formed humans yet, so you may want to grab onto some humility there and pump your breaks. If you have no children, please sit down and talk about things you have personal experience with. Thank you.
If you have adult children and are still screaming to break generational curses, please stop. There are different stages to adulthood. What you see in their twenties, may not be what they are in their thirties. No matter how seriously you take parenting, or how perfect you think you were at it, you can’t know what issues lie ahead of you.
Please stop thinking that difficult cycles end with good parenting. They do not. And it’s toxic, narcissistic, and arrogant to think they do, not to mention a slap in the face to the millions of good parents without a relationship with an adult child. Learn to be insightful enough to realize there is so much more at play in the making of a human than just us and how we raise them. Things we have no control over.
You may in fact break the cycle of abuse, but you may go on to create other cycles — just like your adult children will with their children, and on and on and on… and ALL of it will have EVERYTHING to do with you, grandma, or great grandpa! And how it all comes out in the wash is a complete and utter crapshoot.
Being estranged from an adult child can feel like the ultimate failure on our part. We’re absolutely sure we did something wrong. And maybe we did? But, we can’t change it now. This is called LIFE. It’s human nature. And nature is cyclical. Ups, downs. Certain characteristics skip generations, only to show up in another. We change and grow. They change and grow. Some choose to stay the same and wither. Sometimes we outgrow others. People leave, only to come home again. We fight and make-up. Fighting to break this natural pattern to life will only break us and destroy the rest of our lives. Instead of fighting to break generational curses, learn and do better, but let’s try to dissolve our egos and stop thinking we have all the answers.
We do not.
Welcome to the Cycle of Life!
Please fasten your seatbelts and keep arms inside the car until the ride comes to a complete stop. Thank you!