P.T. Barnum was a master showman but he never had a dinosaur in his circus. The death-defying feats he constructed within his tent were nothing compared to the mental gymnastics and 90-degree contortionistic angles an old patriarchal grand-master narcissist of some families will go to, to destroy their own family.
The narcissistic grandparent is about one thing: obedience. They get that obedience through control. They get control through favoritism, gifts, money, and other manipulative buy-outs to get what they want.
My fifteen-year-old son was offered a new car once by his toxic grandfather if he would refuse to listen to his “bitch-of-a-mother.” Me.
Speak out against their abuse, arrogance and entitlement; refusing to be bought— and expect to see triangulation of your offspring; their own grandchildren— just for spite. And it doesn’t matter how long it takes for that to happen. The sociopathic grandparent can wait as long as it takes. Because they never see anything more than just this moment.
They hate themselves and sadly don’t even know who they are inside. They hold up a false-self. A mask. — Add dementia and Alzheimer’s to the mix, and when that heavy mask finally falls—you have a delirious, dizzying walk through the fun house mirrors at the circus!
But, that doesn’t stop them. Their patterns are set in stone. They don’t change. Ever. These ring masters in their seventies, eighties and even nineties seek their youthful power by suiting up anyway. They stand mid-circle of their big top ring with top hat and their whip—ready to orchestrate and maneuver people for show.
Let the games begin!
Cracking their whip they create competition, making people perform; abuse, disrespect, tippy-toe, cower, dance and sing for them at will. If you can stand on one leg, while balancing a ball on your nose or jump through rings of fire and not eat them for breakfast, you’re patted on the rump with a “good job” and told to exit stage left.
They take their bow for the audience. It’s all about them.
The audience members clap in awe of the show, not realizing what they are really seeing is this person using their families as nothing more than carnies. These people aren’t people to them. They are nothing more than an extension of themselves.
When someone is courageous enough to call them out as a user and manipulator of people with no real heart or empathy for others— that person is now the problem. They cackle at how someone could dare question them or stand up to them. If YOU won’t do what they ask, here’s someone who will!
They are all little dictators. And, they use their assets as a way to make you play their game. Do and act as they say, or be written out of the will and forfeit your inheritance. This psychological abuse can cause devastating pain, grief, and even health issues so severe they can kill people within the family and go on to kill millions more.
Creating hard-feelings, chaos and even hatred among others within the family is the narcissist’s fuel.
But, these dinosaurs and their archaic ways of being in this world are dying out, and they know it. If you’re listening to the world now, you see and hear this dinosaur cry.
What we’re seeing now in many dysfunctional families is a tyrannical tantrum of the old patriarchal head master not wanting to go. The old matriarch that couldn’t get loose from her abuser, became abusive herself— and she cry’s out too. “How dare you!” — It’s fear. Of not having control. It’s their last ditch effort to call the shots before they go. They know what’s happening and they are fighting it every step of the way.
A new world that exists harmoniously? One that calls out abuse? One that can’t be bought? But… what about them? They won’t be able to exist in such terrain?
These damaged souls, who’ve never known peace within themselves, will destroy relationships between family members for the fun of it. How is this possible? Because they never cared about their own children, let alone their grandchildren. Their only loves in this world are obedience, control and manipulation. And an audience to see it all. Look at them! Wow!
The after affects of psychological abuse through manipulation tactics and coercion through family systems has gone on for generations. We can break these generational issues within our own families, but when the old, head master slithers in through the back door, the damage they can cause sadly lasts long after the narcissist is gone.
Robin Donnelly 